Monday, June 21, 2010

rot my brain

As if the ad-mad world of Skin whitening creams wasn't already culpable of promoting racism in the form of color discrimination, I found another gimmick in the form of this Promo of Vaseline's skin whitening system on facebook that asks you upload your picture which is then "digitally" "whitened" and "enhanced". They want you to see "how different you are" from "what you can be". Anyone remembers Mungeri Lal ke Haseen sapne, wow! what a great episode of sarcasm could be added to it in these day.

Screw such social acceptance and for such a society I can just say one thing "Sit in it suckers"

They're not promoting a cream, they're promoting mental filth that is already abundant in our society. Hey, it's not their fault, they're just cashing in on the garbage in your skull.

Shaadi.com blunder

Situation: Someone expressed interest in my profile on Shaadi.com. I read her profile and it turned out that she's a writer. I searched for her on Facebook and sent her a message, she replied and then I replied.

The following is purely for reading pleasure. I hang my head in shame and agree that my first mail was very weird and any sane woman would be alarmed to read it. My second mail to her is NOT a victory banner, I'm sure the lady will get back to me with a whack-ass reply and I'll add it to this post whenever that happens. I'm taking no names and with all due respect to the bright intelligent lady (she is so freaking talented that if you would ever read her profile on shaadi.com, u'd be left with a hanging jaw...no kidding) who was sweet enough to leave room for an explanation to my first mail. If this is anything, this is an example of how stupid some men (like me) can be at communicating things and then how wily they cover up for it later. READ ON and LAUGH (but only at me):

Jesse Sebastian Samuel 20 June at 01:11
hi, I wonder if u recognize me...Shaadi.com? How are you doing? I'm afraid I've just kept that profile on due to parental pressure and really don't plan to marry for another 3 odd years but does that stop us from being friends? I really hope you don't find this to be offensive.
So you're a writer and that's awesome. Was wondering if you could give me tips about how to start writing a book (that i already have ideas in my head about what to write). I've been writing a blog myself for sometime now and have published a few articles in newspapers as well.
So? Friends?
Jesse

XXXXXXX (Name will not be disclosed) 20 June at 15:34 Report
you are right.. I quite don't recognize you? WHat is your id?
If I'm not wrong, you must 30+ odd years and are you telling me that you cannot stand up to your parents and tell them that you don't want to be married for how many ever years.

Don't you think that you are on the wrong website to be making friends? If this was the case, why did you not tell on Shaadi.com but you manage to find me on Facebook to send a mail?

Something is not right about this whole thing unless you convince me otherwise.

Jesse Sebastian Samuel 21 June at 01:27
Hi,

Apologies; I didn't quite mean to incite such a reaction but it is quite understandable, considering the contents of my previous mail that I'd typed in a hurry.

If the first line of my mail sounded cocky, plz forgive me and allow me to explain. I am SH58620208 from Shaadi.com and you'd expressed interest in me on 9th June 2010.

I am not on Shaadi.com to find friends but indeed to find a life partner. I'd let the spacio-temporal aspect of that be my prerogative. However, I've taken note of your concern and have now mentioned on my profile that I do not wish to marry soon.

Even if I wanted to communicate with you on this matter (tips on how to write a book) on Shaadi.com (wouldn't that be more weird?), i couldn't because I'm not a paid member yet and since facebook is free, I thought I'd approach you here on the matter.

If I would've communicated with you about this on Facebook without referring to our shaadi.com, you would've found out about that connection sooner than later and probably raised your eyebrow higher up.

However it was on your shaadi profile that I read that you’ve authored some books (I checked out some of their blurbs and outline). I therefore I gave the reference of the shaadi.com. However I should've probably put it together in a better way than I did; sorry for that.

I was instantly excited about the fact that I had the opportunity to communicate with an author. I believe I got carried away and went gungho about it; another fault.

Like I said, I write too, in my own small way. True, it didn’t take much to find out if you existed on Facebook; just a name search.

I greatly appreciate the fact that you write and at level that you’ve published your own books. I plan to write one myself but I guess I'll manage without tips from a pro :)

No hard feelings,
Kind regards,
Jesse

Friday, June 18, 2010

Shall we?

Scared of marriage. Why? I might totally be in love with her but...

Firstly about the kind of person I might marry: will she like me or the false image she might create of me? Same goes about her. I hope she's not a pretender...doesn't seem like.

Will being from a different place make a big difference?
I love independent women but will she be so fiercely independent that she'll find it difficult to think of us a family?
Will she love my simple folks?

I guess finance is the next important subject. I've been foolish enough to not have saved anything but since I have started to save now, will my monthly stipend of 18 grands suffice? I guess it should with us having a house of our own. But I still need to save some amount and quickly so.

Won't it be just amazing to be married to someone so lively, creative and honest. Someone of my age but one who still believes in love. Man! i think of it and it brings a big smile on my face. But shouldn't I get to know her better first? Sometimes I wonder if that'd make a difference.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Repeat

Just another man, just another woman
Walking through life and wondering
Who’s best to share it with?
Who will understand who you are?
Then boldly hold your hand,
Accept the things you do
and for those that you stand
Accept your past, both bitter and sweet
Who is this person and when will you meet
Did you not think you met the last time
Or the time before that,
You sit and recall those special moments
Times that you cherished and thought,
this is it
you fell in love, like you’d never before
you held each other’s hands and you were sure
of walking together forever and ever
Such times always follow the bad ones
Trails that test your bond
You hate one another, yet are bonded by love
You rant and rave
about the mistake that you made
Till one day everything’s fine
You’re walking together again,
Sunshine or rain
Then you start to plan the future
Of a time that never comes
“we” wither and die
You open your eyes
Your vision is clearer
But you realize that
you’ve turned into a wayfarer
then you do what wayfarers do best
you walk on
and wonder if this is it
and you leave the rest

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Sunday

God rested on the last day after he had worked hard to create the world in six days, so says the holy scriptures of some religions. Surely that’s the way it should be for anybody; relaxation and rejuvenation after six days of work.
I was born on a Sunday too, at 5:05am in the morning. I’m sure that was one Sunday my mother would’ve relaxed through the day after some months of carrying me around. When I was a kid, I wanted to have my Sunday to myself. I’d wake up in the morning with hot breakfast waiting for me in front of the TV just before a series of my favorite cartoon serials would start. I didn’t like being taken to Church though, especially Easter, always being a Sunday and a very hot one. Food, TV and rest were always the Sunday’s forte. As a lonely teenager, Sunday was a time to connect with my paraphernalia; I’d spend hours listening to my favorite music, gawking at interior décor magazines and fantasizing of a dream house that would reflect my essence in some way. Of course I never realized that all the things I wanted to do required money and only later did I realize that “money was so expensive.” Growing up made me realize that a Sunday spent cleaning up the room was Sunday spent better than building castles in the air; there’d be time for it, we’ll see then.
However, as I grew up, life started to take its toll on my Sunday and it hardly remained what it was meant to be. Many years spent either in preparing for professional exams, the unending series of exams that promised to secure my life once and for all, and the increasing discomfort of whether this was the life I actually wanted, ruined many Sundays of my life. I wrote many an entrance test on Sundays and such Sundays were anything but fun.
God knows how I ended up being where I am now but this work too stole my Sundays from me. This was so till I my girl came along and we started to spend the Sundays together either roaming around places in the city or going for long rides. This went on till one Sunday I realized that I’d had enough and my Sunday wasn’t mine anymore. This in turn had a domino effect which ended up in me ending up single again.
Here I sit at my computer punching keys to tell the world that I’ve reclaimed my Sunday, at whatever cost. Today I woke up late, watched a few episodes of Wind In The Willows, ate breakfast while watching another episode of Sherlock Holmes and then slept off again. I woke up two hours after the alarm set by me and headed straight for another meal in front of the TV. I could’ve saved a day if I worked today but why should I save a day to sacrifice my Sunday. I believe I’ll be happier and more productive man on Monday if I enjoy my Sunday.
Who knows what course life will take and what the years (howsoever many there may be) will bring. Maybe many Sundays might be spent working, if there’s no option that is, or worrying, God forbid but who knows the future. I’ll probably even get married on a Sunday and surely I’d want a relaxed, cool, non-crazy ceremony for the same. I’ll probably spend some Sundays doing crazy stuff, long rides, playing with my kids or even grand-kids but whatever I do, I’d surely want my Sundays to be fun-days.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Thanedhar

Boss had left for France for a few days and we planned our trip alongside his, of course without letting him know of our plans. I left the bike at IMTECH and Anuj brought it to my place in the morning while Harman and I were ready to move off. Unfortunately I accidentally carried to key to the instrumentation room with me and therefore we all had to go back to IMTECH to return it. I had had a glass of milk till the time we reached Solan where we had a cup of tea. A funny incidence occurred here. Three ladies were walking past us hauling a good amount of luggage. No sooner had they neared us, one of them let out a terrorised shriek, left her bag, ran and took cover...from a harmless little cow that just happened to be heading their way. We laughed so loudly that the cow got scared and quickly moved away from us. Embarrassed at first, the ladies joined us in our laughter session. Past Solan it started to feel hot and it was no surprise to find Shimla quite hot, just as we’d been reading in the papers. We kept riding nonstop till we were stuck in a jam near Kufri. This is a fairly common occurrence. The engines were quite hot from the constant climb and we’d covered more than a 120kms. Here we stopped as Harman felt his bike was overheating. This place offered no respite from the heat and we stopped at what looked like an ancient tea shop. The walls were dirty and muddy. The wooden benches, stove, kettle and other utensils could’ve passed for ancient relics and the owner, who walked in a little later could’ve passed for a comic character. Slim, straight, wrinkled, weather-beaten face holding big gaunt eyes, his hair were grey and eyebrows jet black. We chatted with him for a while and he told us that of late there was an intense water shortage in the area and he didn’t even have water to sell tea. He said he only made sweets of late and they sell quickly. Judging by the condition of his utensils, I reckoned that if they didn’t sell and were consumed very very quickly, they’d probably cause food poisoning. We moved on but soon my bike started to give off strange vibrations that I could sense on the foot peg. Earlier too I felt like something was wrong with the bike as I sensed strange vibrations in the handle and thought it to be some problem with the front wheel. We stopped and sat down to diagnose the problem, took the chain cover off and it became better but something wasn’t quite right and it was most irritating to convince the other two who weren’t actually riding my bike but had all the opinion in the world about how I was hallucinating. Anyway, I thought it best to shut up and move on and just wait for an accident it was in the offing. My biggest fear was of suddenly losing control on a turn or while crossing another vehicle...hell no! on these roads losing control could mean serious trouble in any situation. Thankfully nothing happened. Narkanda was cool, but we thought it was boring so we moved on while asking people of what lay ahead of us. It grew quite cold by now and despite the leather jacket, my naked fingers weren’t happy at the absence of gloves. The road grew from bad to pretty bad but the picturesque milieu made us let go of our apprehensions. We reached a place called Jarol after a very steep climb. This place had a small lake and surrounded by dense conifer cover, it looked very beautiful. There was quite a rush at this place, almost all of them localites. There was a fair in progress and we could hear a ruckus from behind the trees. We decided not to investigate; anyway all the local lads were consuming alcohol and taking drugs right in the open everywhere. We decided to go off road and rode up to a village, then past it till we stopped at a place where we could park the bikes. It was cold and cloudy and we could clearly see the snow capped Himalayas on one side. Harman thought it was a great idea to camp at that place. I thought not because firstly we were ill-prepared for the cold and secondly, I’d never stay outside without having the details of the local fauna. Later we came to know that the place was inhabited by small bears. Small or large, a bear is a bear. We rode down from Jarol and took a improperly paved road that moved into an inhabited area. Here we kept inquiring about a place to stay the night but in vain. People were really nice but owing to the Village-Fair all guest houses were booked. We then stopped to click picture of the setting sun; it was a beautiful surreal sight and we let our cameras lose. Realizing that the sun would set in a 15-20 mins, we set off on our room hunt. We tried the PWD and other guest houses but without luck till we ended up at a hotel that was locked from outside. There was a house close by and we inquired about the hotel owner from the inhabitants of that house. Indeed they had his number and called up to the hotel. After much haggling, we settled at 900bucks a night for a small but decent room. We settled in and the view from the balcony was fantastic. The sun had set and darkness was falling. The sky wore many shades ranging from deep red, violet to black and the hills were dotted with lights. We clicked again. It was cold and we opened the bottle of gin and had a few. The sumptuous veggie dinner was served by the hotel owner himself, his aides were on leave. We went to bed and must've slept for 3 odd hours when the sound of tap water in the sink woke me up. Anuj, thirsty from alcohol had woken up to drink water. Harman woke up too. Before we knew it all three of us were wide awake, though still huddled into the heavy quilts, in the pitch-black, cold, breezy room with the open windows. I don't know what came over us but we started to crack jokes, a make believe situation with the three of us as Haryanvi Jaats named Ombir, Rajbir and Satbir. It was like whose-line-is-it-anyway. Somebody would say something and another person would carry the situation forward and what turned in to an unending series of dirty dirty jokes. I laughed till I felt anoxic, it was terrible, I was gasping for breath but couldn't stop laughing. My lungs, diaphragm, abs were so fatigued from laughing for so damn long but I couldn't stop; hysteria ransacked the room. God knows when we slept but I woke up early next morning to the sweet sounds of the birds. It was still a little dark. I went and stood in the balcony and took deep breaths as if trying to absorb all the beauty of the place into my body. It was quite cold but I braved it for a few early-morning snaps. I went back to bed and was rudely woken up after a few hours by a volley of almost-hard hitting punched on my back and chest; Anuj, who we didn't let sleep the previous night, was taking his revenge.
We all took a shower and went riding to Saroga, three kms of which was a steep, unpaved path. We reached a dead end and came face to face with a local woman guarding her apple orchard. We talked to her for a long time and she told us that she worked hard to send her son to Chandigarh to study but he wasn't doing well in studies. She told us that she had to regularly drive away very persistent and dangerous troops of monkeys and occasionally bears as well. She stayed there alone in a small shack during the day and hired Nepali boys to guard the place at night. She asked us many a time to sit with her over a cup of tea but we politely declined. However we did walk into her orchard and got up close with the baby apples. We found an orchard on the way that still had cherries on their trees and enquired about the price. We bought a few boxes of high-class cherries, ones that aren't sold in the market but sold to big Hotels.....

Friday, June 04, 2010

Sleep-me-ness

28th may 2010

they say before a storm
there’s a lull
I’m tired but full
I’m weary I’m dull
It hurts
at the base of my skull
My the eyelids draw closer
I try to see what I can
Time goes and then space,
Till slowly, all is null

As soon as I

26th May 2010


I will “do it” when I wake up
As soon as I’ve slept enough
I will be nice, I will be polite
As soon I’m tired of being gruff

I’ll settle in, I’ll stay put
As soon as I’m tired of riding
I’ll appreciate
As soon as I’m done chiding

I’ll smile soon
As soon as I’m done crying
I’ll be honest
As soon as I’m done lying

I’ll reveal myself
As soon as I’m done with pretense
I’ll be sane, I’ll be humble
As soon as I give up overconfidence

I’ll help others
As soon as I’m done being selfish
I’ll serve you too
As soon as I finish my own dish

Sooner for you could be later for me
Time is freedom but still a trap
I’ll do something at least
As soon as I’m done writing this crap

It’s good to not be bad
but being nothing at all; that’s most sad
Oh! And I’ll stop procrastinating too
But I think I’ll start in a day or two

Bye Bye: The Sequel

10th May 2010
Today I met Ekta for the last time (at least for a long time to come). Ekta Bajaj, a figure from the past, more than a decade and a half ago. The three years I was in St. Stephens’ I must’ve probably said no more than “excuse me” to her. She was a stranger to me frankly and yet in latter part of last year, I received a comment on my blog from her that said “never knew way back in school that you could write so well”. I carried so much of pain from the memories of school years that for some inexplicable reason, this comment meant the world to me. I wanted to post the comment as a post on my blog but felt that people would think I’ve turned into narcissist.

I talked to Ekta two or three times on the phone and then met her once last month and we talked like we were great friends from the past, shared so many things about so many people from school, things that formed a bond of great friendship between us. Then in between our plans to meet again didn’t materialize one or two times. After that, we only got to meet today evening.

We talked and laughed non-stop so loud as soon as we met that the massive Sunday crowd at the lake constantly gawked at us but we couldn’t care less. And then she said, “I have some news I wanna share with you.” And this has happened so many times before with other ladies that I just responded by saying, “CONGRATULATIONS” I just knew she’d been fixed up with some guy for marriage even before she said it. I have this effect on women; they meet me and soon find their life partner. MAN!!! It’s strange but true. She inquired about what happened between me and ex to have parted to my first reply was the usual, “Shit happened” before I actually told her the real thing. Sitting at the lake always reminds me of the two most beautiful and special times I spent with my ex there: the surreal morning and the surreal night…just a quick passing thought and then I told her about it like I tell it to almost anyone who accompanies me there. Anyway I was really happy for Ekta, we carried on with our talks, much of which comprised silly anecdotes, jokes and make-believe situations that we almost literally fell off the bench laughing. Then one of the better compliments I’ve received in life “You should get married Jesse, you’re a nice catch really.” Ah!! MADE MY DAY!! What thirty-nothing and single guy wouldn’t just love to hear that coming from a girl.
She’ll be shifting to Singapore with her husband after their wedding. It got quite late and she was extremely sweet to have stayed back that long. I walked her to her car which happened to be parked some distance away towards to the village end of The Lake.

Today when we hugged me just before parting, my heart almost sank (just for a second) at that fact that this was goodbye. I was sad but I smiled and joked as we parted. Man! I’d just made a great friend and lost her so soon. I’d thoroughly enjoyed the walks and talks with her and was so happy also at the fact that she was someone from a distant past. What do you know about life? Had someone told us way back in school that we’d be great pals one day after 14-15years and so suddenly, we both would’ve said “Yeah! And pigs will fly.” This evening she opened my eyes to a new possibility in life. I was no short of shockingly amazed at her struggles in life. I couldn’t help but marvel at the efforts she took in life to reach where she is and am so happy that she’s found this amazing guy for a husband. Surely Ekta’s life is a one that I find most enchanting and inspiring.

Anyway the long walk back alone was filled with fear for my bike's safety because it was parked in some pitch black area. It was dark and I totally confused the place where I'd parked it. I found it after a long search and the first thing I checked was the fuel pipe. The last time I parked it there was the time I was with my ex-girl and someone stole petrol. I felt so sure that this was the person I was gonna spend the rest of my life with. I so fell in love with her again that night. BACK TO REALITY! If it were to happen again, it would be a lonely ordeal. It was pitch dark and secluded but my bike was safe. There was no company this time, just a soft kick to the pawl, the engine’s roar and off I went riding alone. I concentrated on the road ahead while breathing in the fragrance of the eucalyptus trees in that area.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Dirty Hands

Every time I turn them around
Seems like I’ve been digging ground
I love em clean but what a pain
These hands are dirty yet again

I was in bed till midnight
Thoughts aloft and none quite bright
girls n’ booze n’ other neuronal spike

But none makes me as happy
like the thought of my good ol’ bike
burned more with the iridium plug
she could now race a big fat slug

enlarged the air filter and messed the specs
carburetion was the new bottleneck
opened the pipe, wasted more money
did nothing but raise the cacophony

I threatened, I begged n’ sustained the fret
Till I laid my hands on the big main jet
finally they came to life, these wheels I love
They now take my soul to the heavens above

And while I cruise through wind and rain
I turn them around, Oh! They’re dirty again
I ride, I ride I love my machine
helped me see things I’d never seen
the plains and mountains I’d never known
the abyss and skies I’d never flown
the good, bad, ugly…not to forget the clever
some I’d remember, other erase forever

I look at them and feel a special bond
with these ten grimy magic wands
I love em clean but what a pain
These hands are dirty yet again
Indefatigably maneuvering me into new lanes