Sunday, February 27, 2011

Let them be the judge

http://www.hindustantimes.com/Man-holds-up-flight-as-pilot-was-a-woman/Article1-666941.aspx

So here we are educating our women, expecting them to be equals but hey wait, are we expecting them to do all the things that we do in addition to the set "social protocol" of taking care of the household? I think the expectation from women has skyrocketed.

For gods sakes, let em choose. Let em choose what they'll wear and eat and how they'll live and last but not least let them be free to decide who they wanna make-out with. It's their body, don't insinuate exaggerated thoughts of piety n purity into their heads as kids. Educate them about repercussions and dangers (for that matter even the boys) but let them bloody explore their own minds and their own bodies.

Who's to say what's best for women. It should be a woman's choice to pick a profession and a partner. Just because a woman is flying a plane doesn't automatically imply she isn't taking care of her household, doesn't even imply that she has one. This passenger was quite a bigot. He couldn't even begin to appreciate what effort one has to put to become a commercial pilot.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

The Embrace

I am nobody's
nobody's mine
I know it well
still I pine

capricious affection
misgiving's my rose
n' nothin I offer
to lessen your woes

come near
bury yourself
I'm here

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Anuj's PhD viva tomorrow

Yeah what a title to a post. This will be his last touch with our lab. A classic example of a bad student-guide relation that went sour in the very beginning and could never be disabused. Anuj has completed five and a half years of PhD time. When I joined the lab as a project assistant in Jan 2006, Anuj was in his first year of PhD and a baby faced, happy-go-lucky kind of a person. At that time Boss-D was short tempered and felt that Anuj's behaviour was abberant for a PhD student. True, ours was a high pressure lab and Anuj may have probably done better with a softer guide. Anuj took up smoking and continued till last year when he gave it up for good. He started to drink as well. 2006 and early 2007 was the time when I myself lost control over my drinking habit. Much of this time was shared with Anuj/Sankalp, Rick and Harman separately. Man!! How much was I drinking!

My relation with Anuj has been brotherly and has grown ever closer, especially so after Sanky left for New York and I joined PhD in the same lab that I'd left as a project assistant. I was closer to Sanky and his departure brought me even closer to Anuj. Anyway the vendetta between Anuj and Boss took a whole new turn after the big JBC got published from the lab with Anuj and Arijit as joint first authors. Something went amiss in the Anuj's emotional response to the situation. He suddenly started to feel distanced from the lab owing to his thoughts on the total authorship of the paper. The wrong vibes were sensed by everyone and they started to retaliate in kind. Anuj had grown disgruntled. To me, as an "outsider" within the lab, everybody seemed to be losing it.

Apparently Boss-D didn't write a good recommendation letter for Anuj when some big scientific names in the world showed interest in Anuj's CV, Being an honest person, he's clear and upfront about his opinion and said that he would write his honest opinion in everybody's recommendation.  Anuj then left the lab to join as a Level-III PA at another lab within the institute. Since then every time he comes to the lab to meet Boss-D to remind him to send recommendations to the new interests. Tomorrow, is his final PhD seminar. I am no one to judge Anuj or Boss-D, one's my Great friend and the other a Great Guide to me; seriously, I have no issues with Boss-D, in fact, at times, I feel that he's extra nice to me. Anyway, Boss-D has mellowed down to a humongous degree over the past few years.

I've seen Anuj change from a soft chubby carefree guy to a fitness freak, hard-hearted and melancholic man. Still I can never forget the alacrity with which he lent me money and literally forced me to buy a digi-cam, which he himself hunted around for me to buy. He did it because I used to ride to far off places but didn't have a digi-cam to click as many pictures as I could. I really will remember him for his serious protocolish advices on how to patiently deal with my impatient dad and not mess my relation with him. I'll always remember that trip to Haridwar on Jan 15, 2007 when Sanky ditched us both and left with his friend and we both spent an amazing time at the Shanti-kunj Aashram roaming around and exploring the adjoining areas on foot and how we sat to warm our hands near a fire set-up by an old yogi baba. I'll never forget my bike-ride to Rishikesh for river-rafting with him when we also stopped by at my sister's place in Herbertpur. I'll never forget my bike-ride with him and Harman to Thanedar, when we simple had the most amazing time that guys can have together. I'll never forget the way he made fun of me whenever I was in an over-extended mourning period of my break-ups. I'll never forget how he (and Sanky) shaped my attitude towards life in many ways. I'll always accredit him to changing my inherent sordid and morose outlook towards life to a slightly lighter.

Last but not least, I'll never forget the awesome drinking sessions we've had and the time when we consumed bhaang (Cannabis) on Holi (like many others at the institute) and got hysterical. Of course we've had minor issues a few times (though I can't remember which ones exactly).I've known him for a little more than five years now. I remember we both got a little sentimental when I was leaving as a project-assistant and how happy we were when I joined PhD in the same lab after a gap of one year. I still kept in touch with Anuj n Sanky through that gap of one year. I'll never forget Boss-D's warning to me to not reform the gang with Anuj and Sanky when I was about to join PhD :) It's a bit saddening to see stuck in this phase of life but I'm happy that tomorrow he'll get his PhD degree and I hope he's off to a great place to do his Post-Doc. I hope his love for science is rekindled and he does well in life and I hope Boss-D and Anuj reconcile someday. Will always remember you Anuj. God bless you. Good luck for tomorrow. N yeah I will watch a movie with him before he leaves, though I hate watching movies; that's the very reason he wants to take me to one.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Veil-untyin (Valentine)

On this Valentine's, I learned that St. Valentine doesn't refer to any one particular saint like I thought. There were a couple of them. Valentine's feast too has been chucked out of Catholocism for good. Well I guess that's reason enough for the rest to pick it up and f* the sh* out of it.
Whoaaa! n just 10 minutes ago I got a call from a friend telling me about one of the most scandalous things ever. Man! First-love chasing her after losin her many years ago.

Anyway, I'm here to talk about how my Valentine's went. IT SUCKED so far as conventions go but it was better than last year. Last year I was brooding over a morbid relation that died a month and a half down the line. This year, there was nothing, there were a couple of possibilities but I thought better to leave them unexplored, the bitterness still lingering. Within the year, I have changed a lot, I'm not so sensitive about relations anymore. I value my freedom, my time, my money and my space way more than I used to. Not that I don't miss the warmth of being with somebody but what the heck, that can be had without strings attached. Strings strangulate.

This Valentine's I woke up late, I brushed my teeth and made it a point to not shave as a mark of my disrespect for the day. I worked hard and till lunch, had quite forgotten that it was Valentine's. At lunch, people at their dressed up red-best reminded me that it was the day when most singles wish to mingle and most couples spend a tormented evening trying to find a decent place to spend a few romantic moments together over dinner or otherwise. The businessmen will, if they can, devote all the 356-366 days in the year to mundane causes that will ultimately fill their pockets and accelerate the society to being that little bit more preposterous, somewhere it is headed already.

In the evening I had an uninteresting telephonic conversation with an otherwise interesting person. I feel a pull and then a push, what the heck! I guess life's about being conscious, conscious of your posture, of the passing minute, of the clutter, of the traffic, of the time to say goodbye. The only time you should let it go is when you sleep. And yet, there are so many things that aren't expressed but still felt and then you sit back and wonder if what you're wondering about is actually so wonderful or just a figment of your imagination. In such a situation, it is best to put your mind unfettered mind to better usage, like He said "let the dead, bury their own dead". Later is was back to square-one, at-the-gate date with Ritbit. That's the time when it was all loaded onto a gun of wit&humour and fires exchanged.

So much for a silly day that's just one of many. I like kisses, not headaches. That was the strange, debaucherous revelation when I saw myself in the mirror, that was my veil-untying on the Valentine's.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Ed on honor killings

Read Birinder Pal Singh's (Dean & prof. Dept. Sociology, Pbi Univ. Patiala) article titled "Honour killings: make the state accountable". The writer explains how the meaning of the term honour-killing differ from place to place. In Haryana it is sacrilegious to marry in the same caste in Punjab it's the opposite.

The writer goes on to say that modern education is not all-emancipating or liberating when it comes to issues like honour killings and that the whole concept that it is, is a "recent assumption". The writer goes on to justify his case by quoting the examples of Indians residing in cities like London and Vancouver, exposed to "plurality and multiculturalism" would not be involved in the act. What was new to me was the "common knowledge" that gangs of boys and girls living in these big international metros charge hefty sums of money to divulge the whereabouts of the runaway couples to "'honour retrieving' parents". Apparently the members of these gangs are well connected and needless to say that "winning the confidence of potential victim(s)" is a part of their strategy. On this point I fully agree with the writer, I have been exposed to the minds of the educated people who are/have-been at high positions.

The writer talks about the origin of khaps to the medieval era of regional feudatories when the khaps provided protection to its clan. "Hence it's role was to to ensure the safety of the community from external threats and internal collapse". He says that it's not that honour killings are a recent occurrence but has merely come under the media-light.

The write goes on to unload the blame on the modern day "populist and perverted political culture" failing to maintain law and order and thus resuscitating institutions like the khap. He says it's also the common knowledge that Haryanvi politicians in Haryana demanded Mitsubishi-Monteros just two years after they were given Toyotas and their counterparts in Punjab ask for Toyotas while the schools and hospitals are starving of funds. The writer ends the article saying that the state functionaries have to become modern themselves- a concern for the other- before modernising the society.

My take on this:
I partially agree with the writer in that modern education doesn't seem to break the shackles of bigotry that's apparently infused into our blood and is being brazenly handed down from generation to generation.
I say that it's a vicious cycle. Ever heard of any political leader's offsprings were to carry out the act so sacrilegious to their society. They can't for if they do, their daddies will not win the next election and they won't get to be as profligate with the public money. In saying that I'm saying that we the citizens are fueling this bigotry because this is the bigotry that's so ingrained in our own minds and no education modern or otherwise has been able to remove it. I don't see a cure for it, it's a the emancipated individual that sees the honour killings as culpable, most others say that it's bad with an undertone that says "serves them right". Toyotas, Mitsubishis or any other Japanese brand's presence or absense will fail to free our minds. We want leaders that move in big cars, are brazenly shameless, ruthless and rich for we aspire to be the same.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Fix it

Today was an interesting day. A series of events ultimately led me to start saving a bit of money every month in the form of a recurring deposit. The events were purely emotional, both positive and intensely negative but this resulted in me saving a small sum of money that I otherwise would never be able to. Today in retrospect, I wonder if I should feel happy or sad because the sad part is that had I been saving since the time I actually started to earn, that is five years ago, it would’ve been pay-back time by now and the elation is the simple thought “better late than never”. Before late last year, I had not a single penny in the form of savings. I led a simple life, no great clothes, no great passion but I managed to drain out my entire stipend being reasonably happy about nothing.
Last year my eyes were opened to the fact that if I wanted to get married right away I was at the mercy of my parents. Not that that my parents are wicked but I felt that it should be the other way round; at least I should be partially independent and not looking towards my family for the entire financial requirement of the occasion. Anyway, the marriage drama didn’t work out for me but what it did for me was to give me a sense of doom that awaited me. Suddenly I saw inflation, suddenly I realized that I wanted to be married in another five odd years if not earlier, suddenly the thought that my parents weren’t gonna be around forever and the fact that they might even need me to support them. Suddenly I felt I might have a kid or two as well in the next decade. Suddenly I wanted to have it all because I suddenly realized that I was so goddam lonely.
Today I went to SBI PGI with Rajni, my lab-mate. It is the bank with which I’ve had an account since the mid-1980s when I first opened my account under my mom’s name with a sum of around two-hundred rupees which I’d collected. Times were different then, I remember two-three bank-employee-uncles would laugh and gladly calculate the sum, in coins, that I’d collected in the piggy-bank. Mom tells me they used to look forward to seeing me and my coins because they were happy to get the coins, the much needed change (chiller!). So today I broke my six-month old recurring-deposit account and added a bit of money to it to start my first fixed-deposit with a paltry sum of money. The FD, despite being small, made me feel ecstatic. I felt like I’d accomplished something great. Why? Because for the past nearly twenty years, I’d grown a habit of wasting money, whatever amount I had. This is my second stint with saving money after the piggy-bank episode nearly twenty-five years ago. Today signified the breaking of the bad habit and the revelation of the importance of financial-planning. It sounds stupid to others but to me it’s a significant leap in my maturity.
“I do not use marijuana”; to someone who’s never been addicted to it, it’s no big deal to say so but to someone who’s managed to get out of the habit despite failing a couple of times, it sure is a big statement. So when I say that I’ve started to save money, it’s a huge statement. I know I’ve started out small but I know I’ll make it grow steadily. It’s not about greed but about planning to avoid financial disasters in the unforeseeable future.
Just a few minutes before I sat down to write this, I found a note written by my ex that she’d slipped inside the wallet she gifted me. It talks about having lotsa money! Lol, sweet as her gesture was, I hope it turns symbolic for things to come. Gotta prepare for my next PhD and I can’t afford to be deprived either. How I wish I hadn’t been so profligate in the past but what the heck, better late than never.

“Semper Sursum”
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Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Blotcha

There are instances that make me wanna believe in God, not because miracles happen (if they do i.e.) but because some things are so inexplicable. They are so till the time I nail em down and hammer out the reason for the mystery and then I'm back to being an atheist.

So I couldn't get this blot right for almost a year now. I've done western-blots for the protein I work on many a time but that's not a big problem since antibodies have very high affinities for their targets; they recognize diminutive quantity of target that gets blotted. However N-terminal sequencing (NTS) was another story as it required a reasonably high amount of protein to be blotted on to the PVDF membrane. By fluke, I got it done once but that a very high quantity of pure protein and somehow managed to travel from the SDS-PAGE to the PVDF membrane.

Today morning, I gave up. The small quantities of proteolysed fragments just wouldn't blot despite my tenacious effort to do so for the past one month. After much deliberation, decided to look for some other way to get the NTS of the fragments and expressed my frustration to my guide. He suggested I check the literature on an alternative method. As I sat on the computer I thought I'd check out electroblot-troubleshooting. In the sea of results, I found a pdf that I sensed would be of some use and as I was perusing through it, came across a line and read no further. I sprinted across to cast the SDS-PAGE gel and get the transfer buffer ready. It consumed my whole day and I was mostly quiet, working but never doubting for a second that success was just a few hours away.

Six hours down the line, lo and behold, the most beautifully protein-blotted PVDF membrane that our lab has ever produced. It made my guide spring up from his seat. It made one of my labmates visibly upset (not everyone will be happy at your success), and others happy but happy or sad, they all came to me to inquire about the protocol. After having shared my knowledge, I called it a day.

A big hurdle crossed today. Now I'm looking forward to designing mutants and hopefully get one that works wonders and some poor man's life can be saved. Makes me feel so good about working hard on this project.