Thursday, June 30, 2011

Here

I feel like I'll turn & see you sitting behind me but I won't turn coz I know you won't be there. I, so cleary remember watchin you by the candlelight, playing with the flames and then settling down beside it, quietly looking at me and for a change your eyes not probing my face for signs of deception but just looking at me, calmly with a serene confidence, telling me that you trusted me and that you weren't judging me. The flame flickered but your eyes, they were unblinking, you hypnotized me. I could've kept looking into your eyes through the night. I'm glad I got out of the spell and sat beside you.
Reality takes over as time passes and memories fade. The candle lies yonder but there's no flame. I won't turn around for I know you're not there but then again you needn't be, you're deep inside me somewhere.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

You and I

I feared going to Mcleodganj again lest it brought back memories and broke me down like what happened a couple of times I cross those familiar paths again. I didn't say much because the others were interested in going there and I was familiar with the place and liked it. What I feared was a relapse into the fever of the past. I was apprehensive on the way towards it...and then 'You' happened to me.
I couldn't have asked for anything better, you gently erased all those memories without me ever realizing. I felt all the things I thought I'd never feel again and much more that I'd never felt before. How will I ever thank you for this.

I hear it, now you hear me.

There are sounds that are totally inaudible. The one above the human audible range is termed the ultrasound. Ultrasound, a technology used in Sonography, a word that literally translates to imaging using sound. It's a safe technique to look into our bodies to detech anomalies and even see a foetus developing in a womb. It's also used to detect the gender of the child. Of course there's good reason for the ban of sonographs in India for detecting foetus gender. We're a nation of brazen, shameless people who consider a female child a burden. That brings us to the social evil of Dowry. Cash and kind paid to the bridegroom by the girl's parents. I've seen an air of pride in the "groom's side" in many a marriage I've attended and therefore ended up feeling so sick I never bothered to know the other details of the things involved in the process. Knowlege-base goes up to close relatives of the groom waiting to see blood on bedsheets the morning after the first night for it signifies that the woman was virgin. Personally, the word sounds derogatory and fit only to be used with olive oil. Such stories of butchery I've heard with my own ears from the people of the families involved in such acts. It numbed me like it did on every occasion that I hear such stuff.
Therefore for many of us Indians, birth of a girl signifies foreseeable trouble. Firstly to control her enough so that she doesn't find out much about her own body only to let her find out everything at the hands of a butcher on the first night. Strangely in our society if a girl and boy are "caught" by the members of our Moral Police in a compromising situation, it's the girls family that faces shame way more than the boy's. On such occasions I've seen that the first thing that parents and relatives start to fret about it "Ab iski shaadi kaise hogi". Secondly it's a lot about dowry in every place in India barring a few places in the East. I've heard people talk about dowry the moment a girl is born, I do not know why they never did away with it all these centuries, maybe because there was always a balance of a girl and a boy in the family so if you were giving to your daughter, you were also receiving from your daughter-in-law. This only underscores the extremes of materialism in our mindset where single everything, be it career or spouse, is chosen according to financial gain at hand, interests, passion and love take a backseat (if present at all or even subliminally and systematically erased by parents, like what happened in my case). Being a girl in our system is tough. Many of the people who opress their daughters and rob them of their freedom can be seen letching at girls, their daughters age or even younger, in public places, a few bastards even indulge in eve-teasing. Old men, middle-aged men, boys, they all do it and they do it with brazen shamelessness for this is a patriarchal society and males mostly do as they please. I've been eye-witness to many such incidences.
So I repeat, being a girl is tough here, you don't have much freedom, you've got amorous eyes gawking at you all the time, you move around in places where men will violate you given the first chance, then you have to steer clear of prying eyes if you happen to be in a relation with a guy, then you're required to marry according to your parent's wishes (which translates to the society's wishes)and bear the burden of the thought that the very people responsible for your birth are now paying through their noses to send you to greedy bastards with whom you'll spend the rest of your life, maybe loving them after accepting it all as societal norm and in turn, gradually turning into one of them.
Sure so people started to find ways of obliterating this burden of having a female child by getting sex-determination done on the foetus and killing it in case it happened to be a girl. There are absolutely no compunctions about this. Apparently they just remove the female foetus and throw it and the reports are grotesqueness and appalling. There are reports of dogs fighting over discarded female foetuses, of them being thrown in bins and drains (http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2010-11-10/lucknow/28243288_1_foetus-hospital-authorities-hospital-administration, http://ibnlive.in.com/news/5th-female-foetus-found-in-udaipur/20653-3.html, http://zeenews.india.com/news/maharashtra/maharashtra-one-more-female-foetus-found_713636.html, http://news.oneindia.in/2011/06/11/female-foetuses-found-maharashtra-beed-sex-ratio-girl-aid0101.html, http://www.gendercide.org/case_infanticide.html)
So the government cracked down on sonographs and confiscated them from private clinics to prevent sex determination by the male-crazy Indian families.
But the latest news has truly shocked me out of my wits (http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-national/article2137959.ece). Now parents are getting sex-change surgeries performed on their daughters and turning them into boys despite knowing the fact that they'll be infertile as men. This has to one of the most heinous crimes ever. The procedure goes on to create a phallus using female genital tissue! What's the craze in this phallus-crazy nation, we literally worship it. Now they're out to wipe the entire womankind. Don't they love their mothers? Don't they have sisters? Don't they have wives...did they ever fall in love? Don't they every think how their lives would be without these women...Possibly not. We're living amongst monsters who can do this to their own children. And these are doctors who took a fuckin hippocratic oath and then shoved it up their asses and shitted it all out the next day. These people should have their medical license stripped and should be jailed for life. I cannot understand a mindset like that, all I know is that I don't wish to share my surroundings and live in the vicinity of people like those....I'm outta here man!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Will-miracle

For us there's no tomorrow, well, is there? Branded renegades, we live by instincts we sure are distinct. We love like there's nothing else to this life, there's other stuff to do as well and we don't shy away from strife. We walk through life, wayfarers, misnamed philanderers. Still learning to live, still relearning everything. Followers of logic, believers of love, we walk with a deep faith in miracles of will.

Rushed

It's a quarter past nine
seems like nothing's mine
mad rush to my workplace
making way through a maze
someday I'll be on time
but I really wonder when
By the time I start work
It's already quarter to ten
I'm tired already it's just eleven
Wishin there was someway
to peep into Heaven
I sigh for a while
cause I've got nothing to say
And so by quarter to twelve
reality calls me back
and hands me the golden rule
If you Love like a madman
you must work like a mule
Cause it's all about balance
Even if there's a raging passion
let me veil it by nonchalance
By one I'm geared up and ready
gotta speed through life
and yet be steady
Two, three, four, five
All pass by in a happy jive
Must work, must plan
must get things done
n' while I'm alive,
Can't lose hope, life is fun
someone somewhere's waiting
torn between the love n' hating
n' we'll flock together
like birds of a feather
Six seven eight nine ten
Waiting for you love
how why when
I can't say but surely
I'll be happy again

Sunday, June 26, 2011

convenient abbreviations

Guys remember the ol' Orkut days when people used to write testimonials for each other and it was cute till one day I read something that totally baffled me.
One lady unwittingly punched these words on a friend's scrapbook (who also happened to be a girl), "I love your testis" and got me wondering "heck!! she sure looks feminine."
It took a coulpla minutes to realize she was referring to her style of writing testimonials but wtf...one should think twice before forming convenient abbreviations.