Thursday, November 23, 2006

Oh! I always said that the mongrel eating from the garbage bin has a better life than a man in many ways. How? The animal’s emotion of love is regulated in space and time by pheromones..
Well it’s not so just with animals, lately it has been found that the same thing works with humans (but unlike dogs, it’s not seasonal…its ON all the time). You cannot “smell” the human pheromones like you smell a perfume; it’s all preprogrammed and automatic. So if a guy’s attracted to a girl and they’re sitting in each others vicinity, pheromones are playing the cupid’s part. Our silly noses direct us to our love; all three responses are possible:
Attraction
No attraction
Repulsion.
It has been found that this process is actually indirectly guided by the immune system…damn! This thing’s a little complicated, I was watching this program on Discovery Channel…it was quite interesting.
I tried to draw a parallel to this in my life…so the girls I’ve been attracted to in the past were actually sending out a chemical message to me…n I was sending this message to the girls that were attracted to me…and of course the few times when these chemical messages reciprocated in a positive way. Yes the message was “POTENTIAL MATE, PLEASE CONSIDER SERIOUSLY”…UMMM!!! Interesting doggy stuff man!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Snoring and other ominous things in life.



Its 10mins past midnight. I never thought I'd ever start this blogging habit again (esp at night) but what can you do with somthing that's hard wired into your genome. No neither of my parents are keen writers, I'm sure this is a new trait that was formed when "I" was actually being formed. If I'm not wrong, its the PACHYTENE phase of MEIOSIS-1 when crossing over occurs and new traits are formed...in my case, it must've been accompanied by some kind of mutation (because neither of my parents have a habit of writing). So that's the origin of my habit of writing. It's such an itch that I HAVE TO scratch.





Dad's snoring, the reverbertions produced as a result of his tongue touching and untouching his upper palate in a to and fro motion, generation simple harmonic motion...PHEW!!....is not very harmonic after all. Its all ok in summers, the fans are on, the male insects are giving cat calls to females, my folk's room is shut because of the a.c. and all that sound my daddy produces gets muffled. Winters is a different story altogether. The insects no longer want to have sex and disappear, the fans, aircons are shut but my dad still snores. He has a machine that helps him breathe constantly throughout the night (he has sleep apnea), unfortunately he doesn't like putting on that face mask while going to sleep (though its super soft but its understandable) so he usually avoids putting it on (yeah! and when I have a stomach upset the whole household is running after me with a plethora of tablets).


Thats not the only problem, the washing machine has been strategically placed in my bathroom. Unfortunately one of my folks dear hobby is washing clothes. So early in the morning when I'm sleeping like a baby (dreaming of wild women), strange mechanical sounds interupt my dreams. These crazy women of my dreams suddenly start acting strangely, the start moving like robots and emit strange beeping sounds then I'm rudely shaken out of my dream world by the (GROWL!! GRRR GRRR GRRR) obnoxious sound of high pressure water jet...HOORAH!! its 5:30am, my parents are awake (oblivious to the fact that I slept at 2 or 3 am), they're shouting at the top of their voices giving instruction to each other, there's a clattering sound of buckets, my bathrooms geyser is on (the big one's out of order) and my folks are up and fresh filling water from my bathroom. Unfortunately, my room (my house in general) is not that big so as to muffle the sounds being generated in the adjacent room. While all this is happening, I'm finding it hard to block out the sounds (trust me once I got up grumbling, opened my almirah, took some cotton rolls and stuffed them in my ears to block these noises...in vain!). It is unbearable, the bloody washing machine sounds like a ferrari engine. When we bought it 6 years back, it was fully automatic, now...don't ask. The water inlet (which is supposed to constantly be on) cracked and broke, so my mom made a make-shift arrangement and fixed it. The problem is that whenever the water pressure is high, this arrangement fails, the pipe comes off the water starts thomping the floor with brute force...this generates noise, an irritating one at that. When this happens, I'm rudely shaken out of my dreamworld, it takes me a minute to actually sense whats happening, then I rush out of the bed to close the bloody tap, grumbling, I return to bed with wet feet. Now start the luxurious pain of automation...when the machine is done with the washing or rinsing, it automatically opens the water inlets...only to find that there isn't any water (because the pipe came off and I closed the blasted tap). The smart contraption senses this and gives of a loooong siren..beeeeeeeeepppp!!! something that could wake up the dead...this naturally wakes me up with a shock value of Richter-10. I rush to the bathroom (after banging into the walls trying to find the source of the beep) and fix the pipe and open the tap. Once the water is filled and the machine starts again, the vicious cycle is repeated...of the pipe coming off, water falling, me falling off the bed...and so on. Each morning this is repeated around 4 times till my parents clothes are sparkling clean. I still hold on to the bed with a pillow over my head, fully awake trying to tell myself "no no no, I'm actually asleep right now."


By the time my parents leave and the hulla-baloo is over, the freaking birds wake up, the squirells wake up and so do the milkmen on their DIESEL Enfields. I wake up and look at my face in the mirror and cry when I see my fiery red eyes. I already want the day to be over.


Night time has its own perils, since the outside sounds are not blocked (owing to the fan that's switched off), I clearly hear the mongrels duelling outside for our darling stray bitch. When these mavericks are not there, our dear bitch defends her territory by barking the whole night. Unfortunately she likes me a lot and wants to protect me, so she barks standing right infront of my window. There have been times when I've woken up in the middle of the night and tried to hush her, in vain.The next effective way is to take a mug of cold water, go to the balcony and throw it on her; this shuts her up for around 15-20mins. Then there's a nocturnal bird thats an absolute terror when it comes to making noise. When these birds come around, all I can do is sit up on my bed and pray for them to go away.


I'm shedding my hair like a deciduous tree sheds its leaves in autumn, I have a constant headache nagging me 24/7, I have a girlfriend who's as mysterious as the Stone-Henges, I have a boss who loves me as long as he doesn't know what I'm doing, have colleagues who love fighting with me (coincidentally they too are LOUD), there are some people I really love (but I end up pissing them off somehow...) and my parents love washing clothes.


Is nature conspiring against me; seems like that because I can't seem to handle it anymore. Isn't there a quicker way to die?


Well its 1:20am now and I better go to bed...I wish all my loved ones a very good night and I hope they all have sweet dreams.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

2nd October 2006
Ha! Here I am, I never thought I’d ever write a post again for my blog. Old habits die hard.
I attended Thanksgiving function at my Alma Mater on Sunday night (1st October). I was late and the entrance to the ground floor was closed, so I took the stairs and went and sat in the Balcony. To my surprise I was the only one sitting in the Balcony apart from Mr. Kaura who was making a video of the proceedings. I was hoping not to be seen by Carver sir (or any of the people on stage) and invoke a negative feeling about me. Anyway I couldn’t help it, I just appreciated the amazing songs sung by the choir and gazed at the beautiful auditorium. When it was time for dinner, I met Romila, Ma-Puia and Hashmat. During the meal, I happened to cross path with Ms Patnaik, my ex-class teacher at St Stephen’s (She used to teach us English). Even when I was in school I used to wonder if any of my teachers were familiar with my name, so never in my wildest dream could I have thought that Ms Patnaik would be able to recall my name even if she happened to recognize my face (by any chance). So there was an eye contact between us for a second and I thought it would be better if I wished her; I did.
She smiled back and said, “How are you doing? Your name’s…er..er Jesse!”…this left my jaw hanging down to the ground. “You remember my name..???” I almost shouted in disbelief.
She asked me to follow her, she sat on a chair as she was tired, “so how’ve you been and what are you doing these days?” she enquired.
“I’m working on a research project at Imtech.” I replied.
“Imtech eh! Do you know who Dr. Patnaik is?” she asked.
“Ya, I’ve heard that name. Is he your husband?” I asked.
“yes” she replied
Then another lady came and sat with us, I recalled that she too had taught me at some point of time but I couldn’t recall when. She however did not remember me that well.
Ms Patnaik told her that she remembered me as a very sincere guy. When I heard that, I felt gagged and coughed and almost threw the food out from my mouth (Almost!!).
Sincere!! Me? Oh! my ex-school teacher’s saying a nice thing about me. I felt elated, English was one of the subjects I loved and used to visualize all the stories and poems that I read in my mind but never did I think that I’d give that impression to my teacher. I was extremely introverted and hardly ever talked.
She talked to me for sometime before saying goodbye. After she left, I was speechless for sometime. Here I was, filled with an immense amount of hurt from the past, feeling that if anyone ever met me from “those days”, I would be subject to the same scorn as I used to back then.
This meeting soothed many wounds that I’ve been carrying around for many years.
I saw Carver sir standing alone and thought “Quick! Before he gets hounded by the mob again…” I walked up to Carver sir and said something that I’ve been trying to say for…more than 10 years now “Sir, I want to talk to you”. [“Are you completely out of your mind?” said the other part of my brain.]
“It’s nothing special but I’ve been trying to gather courage for a long time now to say a few things”. I said to him.
In the mean time, there were people already gathering at some distance from us waiting for me to leave so that they could shower the man with adulation. “How does he digest so much of praise?” I thought to myself.
“You don’t have to gather courage to talk to me son, I’m free for the next 4-5 days and you can come in at anytime in the morning. I’m sure we’ll both have the same thing to talk about” he said giving me a heavenly smile.
WOW! I couldn’t believe what I’d just done. I just did what I’d been planning to do for the past 10-11 years.


And of course the other shock of the day was this:


My dear friend from Mizoram was accompanied by a girl who was around 11-12 years old. When she went to get the dessert, I asked him “is she your sister or your cousin?”
“She’s my daughter.” He replied.
“WHAT!!” I said in disbelief.
“Yes, She’s my daughter” he affirmed.
“So you’re married?” I asked as a matter-of-factly.
“No.” he said looking a little embarrassed.
“Some mistake of the past. But I really love my daughter.” He said (now defensive).


Sometimes the condom ditches you just at the right moment. Why right? Had that not happened, my friend wouldn’t have had this angelic child. I felt really happy inside and tried to imagine walking around with a kid of my own…

Saturday, August 19, 2006

First Posting

This is my first posting ... hope to keep it going uninterrupted!