Fix it

Today was an interesting day. A series of events ultimately led me to start saving a bit of money every month in the form of a recurring deposit. The events were purely emotional, both positive and intensely negative but this resulted in me saving a small sum of money that I otherwise would never be able to. Today in retrospect, I wonder if I should feel happy or sad because the sad part is that had I been saving since the time I actually started to earn, that is five years ago, it would’ve been pay-back time by now and the elation is the simple thought “better late than never”. Before late last year, I had not a single penny in the form of savings. I led a simple life, no great clothes, no great passion but I managed to drain out my entire stipend being reasonably happy about nothing.
Last year my eyes were opened to the fact that if I wanted to get married right away I was at the mercy of my parents. Not that that my parents are wicked but I felt that it should be the other way round; at least I should be partially independent and not looking towards my family for the entire financial requirement of the occasion. Anyway, the marriage drama didn’t work out for me but what it did for me was to give me a sense of doom that awaited me. Suddenly I saw inflation, suddenly I realized that I wanted to be married in another five odd years if not earlier, suddenly the thought that my parents weren’t gonna be around forever and the fact that they might even need me to support them. Suddenly I felt I might have a kid or two as well in the next decade. Suddenly I wanted to have it all because I suddenly realized that I was so goddam lonely.
Today I went to SBI PGI with Rajni, my lab-mate. It is the bank with which I’ve had an account since the mid-1980s when I first opened my account under my mom’s name with a sum of around two-hundred rupees which I’d collected. Times were different then, I remember two-three bank-employee-uncles would laugh and gladly calculate the sum, in coins, that I’d collected in the piggy-bank. Mom tells me they used to look forward to seeing me and my coins because they were happy to get the coins, the much needed change (chiller!). So today I broke my six-month old recurring-deposit account and added a bit of money to it to start my first fixed-deposit with a paltry sum of money. The FD, despite being small, made me feel ecstatic. I felt like I’d accomplished something great. Why? Because for the past nearly twenty years, I’d grown a habit of wasting money, whatever amount I had. This is my second stint with saving money after the piggy-bank episode nearly twenty-five years ago. Today signified the breaking of the bad habit and the revelation of the importance of financial-planning. It sounds stupid to others but to me it’s a significant leap in my maturity.
“I do not use marijuana”; to someone who’s never been addicted to it, it’s no big deal to say so but to someone who’s managed to get out of the habit despite failing a couple of times, it sure is a big statement. So when I say that I’ve started to save money, it’s a huge statement. I know I’ve started out small but I know I’ll make it grow steadily. It’s not about greed but about planning to avoid financial disasters in the unforeseeable future.
Just a few minutes before I sat down to write this, I found a note written by my ex that she’d slipped inside the wallet she gifted me. It talks about having lotsa money! Lol, sweet as her gesture was, I hope it turns symbolic for things to come. Gotta prepare for my next PhD and I can’t afford to be deprived either. How I wish I hadn’t been so profligate in the past but what the heck, better late than never.

“Semper Sursum”
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