Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Can’t believe the tirade I threw at our society a few days ago on my blog. The inane insults that I’ve have had to go through just to live on for another day and grow up have sure made me irascible.
Most around me will say it was my destiny; I wouldn’t say much about destiny except that for some it is used as a term to justify “move on” for others “walk all over”. I’ll kill you and say, “sigh! He/she was destined to die.” Sure sounds ridiculous but the staunch believers of destiny would say “if I die by your hands then, it was destined to happen”. Sure there’s no way to disprove that.
For me life is about choices; easy, difficult, calculated, pleasurable, painful choices. I needn’t justify the past as destiny. For me it takes more sense to analyze the course that life took due to the choices that I, and the people around me, made. That however seems to be a difficult way to lead life because it requires undertaking a lot of responsibility and answerability. I’ve just found the path, treading on it is difficult but I’m not gonna give up.
When I appeared for the PhD interview at the PGI, way back in 2005, and told one of the PIs there that I was born in PGI, the instantaneous “destiny syndrome” kicked in within me and the PI as well. What a pleasant thought, I’d do my PhD at the same place I was born. Funny how I disliked my short stay in the PGI that I’m glad I never pursued PhD there. In fact after seeing the maternity ward one day I was dumbfound, “THAT’S THE KINDA PLACE I WAS BORN IN? I hope it was less crowded (and a bit cleaner) back then”
Or that I ended up buying the bike I was fierce opponent of. Here’s another one, a nut case stops me in the middle of the road to click a picture of my bike. The stars were just in the right place that I happened to be in that place that night, a place where I’d normally never be seen and at that hour, and that too happened because the clutch wire of my bike broke down. And I’d exchange numbers with this person, something I never do. End up falling in love and somehow the course of her life changes and we’re going steady and undergoing the most complicated interpersonal education of my life till date…and then steadily away from each other.
Or that I made my profile at a wedding portal and a “kind of an” interesting person shows interest in me and I accept her offer by clicking a button, just like I casually had for eight other women who’d shown interest. Then I think its destiny and take the first cheap flight to a city more than two thousand kilometers away from mine to meet her. And the very first night she take me out, the first day that she’s met me, she’s hardly covered with clothes. I have the most terrorizing experience that I never could tell her about how I felt while she was feeling good! But then again, she said that that’s the way people dress around in Bangalore and true maybe I am from a backward place called Chandigarh but what the heck, I didn’t see anyone else dressed up like that in Bangalore either, maybe she’s disillusioned. Had I not believed so much in destiny, I’d saved a good amount of money by now.
Yeah but my experiences have been the kinds I’d never thought I’d get to experience, or even that they existed. So call it destiny, or call it imprudent choices, there's nothing of the past that I wish to change.
It’s time to calculate affordability when time, money and not to forget, a life is at stake.

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