Tuesday, May 03, 2011


Well it's been a long time since I wrote a post. Some say that the urge to write is generally spawned by an event that stands out and stares you in the face. It could even be a mundane thing but if for some reason it suddenly pops up and you observe it with new eyes and say "hey I never thought about this that way", it generally is the trigger for many to write. Pros though should be able to write at any time. I'm neither an amateur nor a pro, and definitely going insane and today as a respite to this feeling, I'm hammering at the keyboard.

It's been a week (or probably much longer) since I've been in the "sick of everything" mood, losing my temper at everything, drinking frequently, putting on fat and living in a sty of a room that I just can't get myself motivated enough to clean. Like my room, my bed-sheet is dirty and almost disintegrating but I'm just looking at it and thinking of it as my own self.

For the past few days I was waking up with weird thoughts in my head; thoughts that I too will die, like my parents will, for that matter like everybody will. Thoughts that were absolutely disorientating me and making me frustrated about the very truth of being born. I have been socializing but inside, I've drawn myself into a cocoon. I do not wish to talk to anyone, I do not wish to explain myself to anyone, I do not wish to

As if things weren't already bad enough, I've been suffering from a bit of a compulsive disorder to search for digicams. It has totally possessed me and tonight, after many, I shall refrain from reading more about the best high-end P&S and entry-level DSLRs. It's manic, it's adversely affecting my work, my sleep, my food, my exercise; all I think about, dream about and want to talk about is DCs. I'd love to fill up paragraphs and paragraphs on the massive buildup of the already existing knowledge for I believe that it'll fuel my passion further, something that I'm already smoldering in. When I'd had enough of reading on websites (and watching on youtube), the comparisons and reviews, today I felt it was time to go to the shops and tally the price difference from what's mentioned on the websites. I resisted, thinking that I was being crazy and totally losing it so I headed instead to the gym where I jogged and exercised for half an hour. When I came out, I started the bike and headed for Sec-22, it was 9:00pm. I break the mania. Before I knew it I found myself standing in front of an almost empty and dark market and just a few shops were open, nearing shut-down. I ran into all of them and inquired about the prices of a few models that I wanted. Now I know that at Rs 24K, I can buy Nikon P7000 but will need to wait for P300 and don’t know if I can afford Canon G12 at 30K and Canon 550D DSLR at 35K, only time will tell; time will tell in the form of money that will come in the form of arrears.

It was mom’s birthday yesterday. We went over to the Rekhis and celebrated it along with Riti’s and Ritika’s b’day that happens to fall on 2nd May as well. Mom for the first time went to visit Amritsar on a two day trip with her colleagues. Dad thinks it’s still not time for both of them to travel and visit all the places they never did. Drunk, I almost shouted at him “If it’s still not time, it never will be.”; I was ill-tempered and cocky as usual. The date will forever be etched in history books for Osama Bin Laden was taken down by the US forces in a covert operation, 50 kms from Pakistan unbeknown (or so they say) to the Pakistani government or it’s forces. My boss, who is usually all praises for America, or at times a loud critic, today was walking around the institute insinuating the minds of lower grade employees and the students that America was bossing the world and what she was doing was terrorism itself. At times I feel he’s not just a harmless gossipmonger but a strategist, an Indian right-wing extremist subtly and intentionally sowing the seeds of hatred in the minds of people around him. Since he’s educated and cannot cut out a non-secular figure in a research institute, he has other ways of carrying out his job. The other day after returning from Bombay he covertly praised the Shiv Sena. He took the cover of Muslim dominated favelas in Bombay hoisting the Pakistani flag. While the act is rightfully condemnable, it doesn’t justify the acts of the SS who’ve done nothing for national integrity themselves, rather in just the opposite, dividing fellow Indians on the basis of religion, and regions and carrying out pogroms. I was too stunned back then to say anything, Today I launched a spontaneous counter attack, not because I have any special love for America which is but a great foreign nation to me but because I wanted to stop him in his track from insinuating our minds with his sleazy brainchild. I quipped that if America’s action are terroristic then even ours were at the time of the freedom struggle. This was a weak point that he quickly nailed by saying that we were doing it to free our own nation from the foreigners. My next point was a headshot and ended the argument. I told him that it’s great for American’s to be born in that country where, when they were attacked, they left no stone unturned to get one person from the whole world and end his existence. It wasn’t like us that we were attacked, managed to capture the terrorist and were feeding him kebabs in jail while he smirked at the cameras and pissed on our faces. Of course I was talking about Ajmal Kasab.

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