Monday, November 06, 2006

Snoring and other ominous things in life.

Its 10mins past midnight. I never thought I'd ever start this blogging habit again (esp at night) but what can you do with somthing that's hard wired into your genome. No neither of my parents are keen writers, I'm sure this is a new trait that was formed when "I" was actually being formed. If I'm not wrong, its the PACHYTENE phase of MEIOSIS-1 when crossing over occurs and new traits are my case, it must've been accompanied by some kind of mutation (because neither of my parents have a habit of writing). So that's the origin of my habit of writing. It's such an itch that I HAVE TO scratch.

Dad's snoring, the reverbertions produced as a result of his tongue touching and untouching his upper palate in a to and fro motion, generation simple harmonic motion...PHEW!! not very harmonic after all. Its all ok in summers, the fans are on, the male insects are giving cat calls to females, my folk's room is shut because of the a.c. and all that sound my daddy produces gets muffled. Winters is a different story altogether. The insects no longer want to have sex and disappear, the fans, aircons are shut but my dad still snores. He has a machine that helps him breathe constantly throughout the night (he has sleep apnea), unfortunately he doesn't like putting on that face mask while going to sleep (though its super soft but its understandable) so he usually avoids putting it on (yeah! and when I have a stomach upset the whole household is running after me with a plethora of tablets).

Thats not the only problem, the washing machine has been strategically placed in my bathroom. Unfortunately one of my folks dear hobby is washing clothes. So early in the morning when I'm sleeping like a baby (dreaming of wild women), strange mechanical sounds interupt my dreams. These crazy women of my dreams suddenly start acting strangely, the start moving like robots and emit strange beeping sounds then I'm rudely shaken out of my dream world by the (GROWL!! GRRR GRRR GRRR) obnoxious sound of high pressure water jet...HOORAH!! its 5:30am, my parents are awake (oblivious to the fact that I slept at 2 or 3 am), they're shouting at the top of their voices giving instruction to each other, there's a clattering sound of buckets, my bathrooms geyser is on (the big one's out of order) and my folks are up and fresh filling water from my bathroom. Unfortunately, my room (my house in general) is not that big so as to muffle the sounds being generated in the adjacent room. While all this is happening, I'm finding it hard to block out the sounds (trust me once I got up grumbling, opened my almirah, took some cotton rolls and stuffed them in my ears to block these vain!). It is unbearable, the bloody washing machine sounds like a ferrari engine. When we bought it 6 years back, it was fully automatic, now...don't ask. The water inlet (which is supposed to constantly be on) cracked and broke, so my mom made a make-shift arrangement and fixed it. The problem is that whenever the water pressure is high, this arrangement fails, the pipe comes off the water starts thomping the floor with brute force...this generates noise, an irritating one at that. When this happens, I'm rudely shaken out of my dreamworld, it takes me a minute to actually sense whats happening, then I rush out of the bed to close the bloody tap, grumbling, I return to bed with wet feet. Now start the luxurious pain of automation...when the machine is done with the washing or rinsing, it automatically opens the water inlets...only to find that there isn't any water (because the pipe came off and I closed the blasted tap). The smart contraption senses this and gives of a loooong siren..beeeeeeeeepppp!!! something that could wake up the dead...this naturally wakes me up with a shock value of Richter-10. I rush to the bathroom (after banging into the walls trying to find the source of the beep) and fix the pipe and open the tap. Once the water is filled and the machine starts again, the vicious cycle is repeated...of the pipe coming off, water falling, me falling off the bed...and so on. Each morning this is repeated around 4 times till my parents clothes are sparkling clean. I still hold on to the bed with a pillow over my head, fully awake trying to tell myself "no no no, I'm actually asleep right now."

By the time my parents leave and the hulla-baloo is over, the freaking birds wake up, the squirells wake up and so do the milkmen on their DIESEL Enfields. I wake up and look at my face in the mirror and cry when I see my fiery red eyes. I already want the day to be over.

Night time has its own perils, since the outside sounds are not blocked (owing to the fan that's switched off), I clearly hear the mongrels duelling outside for our darling stray bitch. When these mavericks are not there, our dear bitch defends her territory by barking the whole night. Unfortunately she likes me a lot and wants to protect me, so she barks standing right infront of my window. There have been times when I've woken up in the middle of the night and tried to hush her, in vain.The next effective way is to take a mug of cold water, go to the balcony and throw it on her; this shuts her up for around 15-20mins. Then there's a nocturnal bird thats an absolute terror when it comes to making noise. When these birds come around, all I can do is sit up on my bed and pray for them to go away.

I'm shedding my hair like a deciduous tree sheds its leaves in autumn, I have a constant headache nagging me 24/7, I have a girlfriend who's as mysterious as the Stone-Henges, I have a boss who loves me as long as he doesn't know what I'm doing, have colleagues who love fighting with me (coincidentally they too are LOUD), there are some people I really love (but I end up pissing them off somehow...) and my parents love washing clothes.

Is nature conspiring against me; seems like that because I can't seem to handle it anymore. Isn't there a quicker way to die?

Well its 1:20am now and I better go to bed...I wish all my loved ones a very good night and I hope they all have sweet dreams.

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