Thursday, October 20, 2011

To learn to love

Dad’s gonna undergo this procedure to remove a few polyps from his intestines. I remember his grit and confidence 3 years ago while recovering from the accident that cost him his toes and nearly cost him his foot. He underwent major grafting surgeries to reconstruct the sole of his foot, he was 63 then. This time it’s different, I don’t see that indefatigable strength I always saw in him. He’s a bit feeble and apparently stressed about the procedure for which he’ll be admitted to the hospital tomorrow. I feel very sad for him for I know one day I’ll be that old too (if I live that long) and will possibly be surrendering to time, be worried about who I’ll leave behind, what I’ll leave behind for them and the likes.
My relation with dad is strange, we love each other but we’re like two alfa-males living under the same roof but we both have learnt to coexist and even express love to whatever diminutive degree. Relationships are so intricate and they get dented easily yet we all learn to love some people and maybe even respect them for who they are. I guess the only people you can love “in spite of who they are” are your parents. Having said that, I must also admit that saying “in spite of who they are” also implies that you’re way more critical about them than you are about anybody else. At least that’s true for me; if I were to start judging everyone the way I judge my folks, I’d isolate myself from the world. All my best wishes go out to my father. These are times when I’m tempted to pray “despite myself”.

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